Time Flies

We have had such a wonderful Christmas break.  Doug and I were both off for several days and we've had a lot of wonderful family time with Eli and each of our families.  But as always, the Christmas holidays have been busy, busy, busy.  And that's not going to change for us until Emily decides to make her appearance.

Things have been so crazy that we haven't stuck to Eli's routine much at all and while he's very laid back and handles change pretty well, enough was enough on Friday.  He was completely out of sorts almost all day and by the time we got to bed time he just couldn't calm down.  So while Doug took a shower, I took him into Emily's room and rocked him in the glider.  He would ask me to sing and then, when he started to fall asleep would say "Stop it mama!".  Eventually he let go and fell asleep while I kept rocking, waiting for Doug to be able to put him in his bed.

While I sat there holding him all I could think was how long it had been since he allowed me to rock him.  He's never been much of a rocker, preferring to be left alone in his bed to fall asleep but early on we would sit together and rock, especially when he was nursing.  Being pregnant makes it difficult to hold him, even when he wants to be held and I know it's not going to get any easier when I have two clamoring for my attention.  And it won't be long before he's too big to rock at all.

It also occurred to me that in just a few weeks I will be sitting in that same chair with Emily, rocking her.  It seems like just yesterday that I was dancing with Eli in my bathroom after getting that first positive test.  And now we're only 5 weeks or so away from her arrival.  I'm not going to lie, I've been pretty uncomfortable the last couple weeks and I don't think it's going to get any better until she's here, but I know I'm going to miss being pregnant when she does.

It's just crazy how it seems like each day lasts forever and then you look back and months and years have passed in the blink of an eye.

8 Months

I'm kind of finding it hard to believe that I'm already 8 months pregnant and that Emily very possibly could be  here next month!  We've got her room completely ready for her, car seat adjusted back to newborn size, Eli's riding in the big boy car seat and we've even had maternity pictures made! 

We decided to do a baby package this time because we know our lives are going to be a LOT busier this time around and my friend who took the pictures of Eli is a lot busier too now that she has a baby of her own.  We have found an awesome photographer to work with us, she was amazing with Eli at our first shoot and I already feel like we're friends just from the email exchanges we've had.  Check her out on Facebook at  PhotosByMoe or her website: http://www.photos-by-moe.com/. 

Here are just a few of my favorites:

Thankful

I've seen a lot of my friends doing the 30 days of Thankfulness for November and I wanted to do it too, but considering that I forget everything right now, I know better than to think I can remember to post every day. So instead, I've decided to do all 30 at one time.  So here's my list:

1.  Thankful for a loving, merciful God who on my deepest and darkest days holds me close while I rail against Him, promising me that He loves me anyway.

2.  For my husband, who puts up with my mood swings, obsessive need to organize and re-organize while hardly getting anything truly organized, who loves me for me and who works hard day in and out to provide for his family.

3.  For 24 weeks and 6 days with Logan growing inside of me and 17 days with him in the NICU.  Also thankful to know that he is being taken care of in Heaven.

4.  For my wild, sweet, sometimes grumpy 2 year old, he has brought so much light to my life and I am thankful for each and every day I get with him.

5.  For Emily, growing steadily and currently practicing pirouettes :)

6.  For my parents who have been a huge support to me throughout my life, they are always here when we need them whether it's to watch Eli while we work or to cut dressers in half, paint rooms, sew quilts or go to a football game they couldn't care less about just to help me with Eli.

7.  For my sister and brother-in-law for countless times helping us by watching the dogs, getting us chicken and a million other things.

8.  For my in-laws who so readily made me a part of their family.

9.  For a beautiful niece and 2 awesome nephews.

10.  For 3 best friends... I know I am very lucky to have all 3 of them in my life, even if they all live too far away, any and all of you are welcome to move to Troy, AL anytime by the way ;)

11.  For all of the people I consider friends, even the ones I've never met in person

12.  For an awesome church family and a great priest who isn't afraid to address the big issues.

13.  Thankful that Doug and I both have jobs.

14.  Thankful to have a home of our own that I can paint my parents can paint crazy colors just to see if I like it.

15.  For our van that has given us the ability to travel with all of our pets or lots of people and has had no major problems.

16.  For a small neighborhood where there's not much traffic and lots of kids close in age.

17.  For the money we do have, don't get me wrong, it's not much but even though it sometimes feels otherwise, we are far from poor.

18.  Thankful to live in a free country.

19.  For soldiers who are willing to fight for our freedom and the sacrifices their families make.

20.  For our Keurig, I'm not much of a coffee drinker but I love getting a quick cup of hot chocolate with minimal cleaning necessary.

21.  For our pets, we don't get to spend nearly as much time loving on them as we used to but they're always there and happy to see us.

22.  For our dog-sitter, she has made our lives so much easier by being available to watch them while we go out of town.  It's so nice to know that they are not only being cared for with the basics but played with while we are gone.

23.  For days off during the week.  I have 4 of them this month and 8 next month.  I know I'm very lucky!

24.  For Eli's daycare.  The ladies who take care of him love him like he is theirs and their work with him and the other kids pays off hugely, since my 2 year old knows most of the letters of the alphabet, tons of songs and is well-behaved most of the time.

25.  For the people who mow the grass and clean up at Green Hills Cemetery.  We would do the work if we had to but it's so nice to know that when we go visit Logan's spot the grass will not be up to our knees and the flowers will not be spread all over the place.

26.  For my OB, she has been with us through everything, starting with Logan, was a huge support through my pregnancy with Eli and continues to cheer me on and reassure me even now.

27.  For the NICU nurses, who give so much of themselves to every baby and every family that they care for.

28.  For the March of Dimes, November is Prematurity Awareness Month so I would definitely be remiss if I didn't mention them and all of the work they do for babies and families everywhere.

29.  For our godson Brody, even though we don't get to see him often, we are so honored to be his godparents and love watching him grow on Facebook.

30.  For all of my aunts, uncles and cousins as well as my aunts-, uncles- and cousins-in-law.

Honestly, this list doesn't even begin to count all the ways I am blessed and things I am thankful for, but it is a nice reminder!

25 Weeks

It occurred to me today how rarely I have posted during this pregnancy.  I posted after all (or at least almost all) of my doctor appointments when I was pregnant with Eli.  I was so worried about the outcome of that pregnancy that every single day felt like a huge accomplishment.  This time around, it's been very different.  Not that I'm not worried, the truth is that I still worry something will happen.  But I also know that this plan works, that God has a plan for this baby and whatever it is, my doctor and I will be doing everything in our power to get Emily here safely.

Yesterday marked the day that Emily has been growing inside of me longer than Logan did.  I feel so much better knowing that we've made it this far, that even the doctor's consider her big enough to survive.  But still I know that there are no guarantees.

We've been preparing our home for her arrival, decorating her room, buying blankets, sheets, towels, clothes and bows.  We are so ready to welcome her into our lives and yet there is so much left to do.

I have my glucose test next Monday and in three weeks we will be having a 3D/4D ultrasound.  At that point I will be 28 weeks, which is when my doctor declared that we had "made it" with Eli.  I'm looking forward to hearing those words again.

So far my doctor seems pleasantly surprised with the state of my cervix so here's hoping it stays that way until January.  For some reason I have a feeling Emily is going to come on her own and have at least a decent amount of red hair, but we will just have to wait and see...

2

Dear Eli,

Today you are 2 years old... the time has absolutely flown by.  I remember the moment you were born like it was yesterday.  I was so happy to have a healthy, squirmy baby boy in my arms.  I cried so hard the nurse made your Daddy leave his spot beside you to come hold my hand, I don't think she realized they were tears of joy.

You've changed so much in the past two years.  You've grown by leaps and bounds of course, but you are (for the most part) a very well-behaved and smart little boy.  I know I've got to stop referring to you as my "baby" because it no longer fits.  You insist on doing almost everything by yourself and very rarely allow me to just sit and hold you.

I am so looking forward to seeing you grow even more in this next year.  I'm looking forward to seeing more of your personality form and to seeing you as a big brother.  I don't think you will ever understand the amount of joy you have brought your Daddy and me.  We love you so much!

Mommy

Third Time's a Charm

When I was admitted to the hospital during Logan's pregnancy we did not know what we were having.  I told them right away that I wanted to know as soon as possible.  The next day they did an ultrasound and told me we were having a baby girl, two weeks later we would find out they were wrong.  Then with Eli, Doug and I were both convinced that it was a girl, even the ultrasound tech told me she thought it was a girl early on.

But this time, we are finally getting our little girl!

I told Doug a week or two ago that I was convinced we were having a girl.  Even though all the old wives' tales pointed to a boy, I just had a gut feeling.

Miss Emily seems to be perfect for the moment.  She was measuring between 20-21 weeks and weighs about 13 oz.  We got to see both hands and feet, a four chamber heart, two kidneys, a stomach, a full bladder and a brain.  The placenta looked good and so did the umbilical cord and fluid levels.  I was honestly a little worried that something might be wrong just because I have felt her moving so strongly already, even Doug has felt her moving and neither of my boys moved this strong this soon.

She was turned into my back just like Eli and didn't want to show off her face too much but the ultrasound tech managed to get a couple of looks so we could see her profile and nose and lips.  She also made it difficult by putting her hand in front of her face most of the time.  The ultrasound tech actually asked me what I ate for breakfast because Emily was wiggling so much and when I told her I specifically avoided sugar, eating scrambled eggs for breakfast she said "You better hope she slows down before she's born or you're going to have your hands full!" 

 

I didn't tell her that full is the way I like them :)

My Crazy Life, Vol. 1

When I ask Eli for a kiss he is sometimes very willing and other times runs away or says "no no".  Whenever he refuses to give me a kiss I will give him a shocked look.  Lately when I ask for a kiss he gives his very own shocked look and laughs at me.

We've been watching a lot of Olympics as a family and while watching the diving competition a guy jumped and Doug says "That guy hardly made a splash at all, kind of like when I do a cannonball"... it's okay to laugh, he was laughing at himself :)

We were going over Eli's colors with a book that he has that shows different items and lists their colors.  Every time we got to a picture of a food item and I asked Eli what the item was he said "eats". 

Later that same day we had finished eating dinner and Eli still had some french fries on his tray.  We've tried several times to tell Eli not to give the dogs or the cat any of his food but he doesn't seem to get it.  So that night I said "Eli, don't give the cat your eats" as he was offering her his french fry.  He turned around and said "okay" and kept his food away from her the rest of the night.

This one happens quite often lately -
Eli (as he walks into the living room, sometimes with his laptop or a bag on his shoulder): "Bye"
Me: "Where are you going?"
Eli: "Bye Bye"
Me: "Okay, I love you"
Eli (running to his room): "Love you"

Everyday when I pick Eli up from daycare he insists on getting a sticker before we leave.  Lately they've taken to giving him several stickers and he stays entertained all the way home.  Just yesterday I found this when I went to get him out of his car seat:

We'll call him "creative" :)

14 Weeks

The pregnancy journey has begun again.  Starting today I will have doctor appointments every other week, until Dr. H decides to make them weekly.  My surgery went really well and she told me today that everything is healing nicely and looks exactly like she wants it.  It has been 4 years since Logan was born and from the day he was born Dr. H told me she felt like I had an incompetent cervix but that I didn't present as a "normal" incompetent cervix case.  However, after this surgery she told Doug and I that she is confident that incompetent cervix is my problem.  In a way it's hard to know that my body failed Logan and that it is because of my deficiency that he is not with us.  However, we've said from day 1 that Logan might have died to save the rest of our children and we now know that that is, at least in part, true.  It is because of his short life that I was given a cerclage with Eli and again with this pregnancy.  It's also somewhat comforting to know what the problem is and that the cerclage fixes it.

The baby's heart rate today was 152.  It has stayed around 150-160 since the first time we heard it.  I have absolutely no idea what this baby will be, guessing based on heart rates and morning sickness led me astray with Eli and this time has been different than either Logan or Eli so we'll just wait and see.  It won't be long either because my anatomy ultrasound is already scheduled for Sept. 17.

I really thought that this pregnancy would be easier.  Since I've been through all of this before, I thought I would know what to expect and not panic as easily.  I was wrong.  I feel pretty much the same way I felt when I was pregnant with Eli, scared every little twinge is the beginning of the end of this pregnancy.  I KNOW, without any doubt, that God has my little family in His hands, and that no matter what happens between now and February, we will be okay.  I just pray that means a healthy baby born in January.

So I'm asking for prayers for this baby and my sanity through the next several months.  Also, my maternal Grandma is currently in the CCU and very sick.  Please pray for her as well.

Kids

The first time I asked Doug how many children he wanted, we weren't married, we weren't engaged, I don't even think we had said our first "I love you's".  It was an important subject in my mind and someone who didn't want kids was someone I wasn't interested in dating.

His answer?  "One would be enough."

I laughed.  So he asked me how many I wanted.  I said 3-5.  I don't remember what his reaction was but it obviously wasn't a complete no, since we kept dating, got married, and he and I are extremely excited about this....

I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and baby is due Feb. 4, 2013.  The plan for this pregnancy is to do everything we did with Eli.  As my doctor said, it worked last time so why change anything!  So my cerclage surgery is scheduled for July 30 and I will start the progesterone shots in about 5 weeks.  Hopefully everything will go just as smoothly this time around as it did with Eli.  We would really appreciate your prayers through the next few months.

Happy 4th Birthday!

My sweet Logan,

I can't believe you are 4 years old today!  Somehow it doesn't seem like I'm old enough to have a 4 year old, I'll probably still be thinking that when you're 24.  This year has been a little easier than the last three.  Probably because your little brother keeps me so busy :)  I wish both of you were keeping me busy.

I miss you so much!  Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.  More often than not I'm wondering what 4-year-old Logan would be like.  I'm convinced you would have been calm, quiet and thoughtful.  I'm not sure if that's just an image I've projected on you or mother's intuition.  Either way, it's how I see you.

We'll be visiting your spot today, be there with us please.  I know you're always around, I see and feel you, but it'll be especially important today.


I hope you met Baby Blaze last week and welcomed him with open arms.  Maybe he'll be celebrating with you and all of your other friends today.  Wish I could be there to see it!


I love you more than words can express!


Mommy

Camera Clean-Off

Size

Clothing size has never really bothered me.  I mean sure, I'd love to snap my fingers and be able to wear a size much smaller than I do, but since that isn't going to happen, I've just never seen any point letting the number on a tag bother me.

That is until Eli came along.  Kids grow so fast and the numbers on those tags change a lot.  I remember being excited when it switched from "Newborn" to "3 months", but after that switch, it's become kind of bittersweet.  I think I actually cried when I put up the 3 month clothes to make room for the 6 months.  And 12 months seemed like a pretty big step too.  But last night, we made the biggest jump so far and I was so NOT prepared for the sudden realization that my baby is a big boy!

Last night I pulled out my stash of bigger clothes with the intention of just getting out the 24 month short sleeve shirts.  I had noticed that the 18 month shirts were getting a little small but the shorts seemed to fit just fine.  When I started going through the pile I found some shorts that were 2T and just to see how big they were I decided to have Eli try them on.  Much to my surprise they fit perfectly.  Next I pulled out a 2T shirt and had him try that on.  It was a little big on him but not swallowing him the way I had expected it too.

And it was like he knew that the shirt was some status symbol too because he wouldn't let me take it off and kept showing off in it.

Don't get me wrong, I've noticed that he's growing.  Just the other day when I was cooking dinner I turned my back for just one second and when I turned around he had a knife in his hand that I had purposely put "a safe distance from the edge".  Thankfully he was holding the knife by the handle and he only had it for a second, but it scared me to death and I got onto him about getting stuff off the counter (and then I cried thinking about all the things that could have happened).  It really made me realize how much taller he has gotten.

He talks all the time which also makes me realize how much he's growing and he's starting to sing a little bit too.  He has become completely obsessed with trains and if there is a train on the tracks across the street from daycare I nearly have to drag him to the car.  He watches Chuggington and will sing parts of the theme song whenever it comes on.

And sometimes it's the things he says that makes him seem so much more grown up than before.  A few weeks ago we got him a couple of Chuggington train toys.  The next day we were going out to eat with Doug's parents and as we were leaving he picked up one of the trains.  I asked him if he wanted to take the train with us and he said "No, two!".  He picked up the other train and walked right to the door and I just stood there, kind of amazed.

I know he still has so much growing to do and I love watching him grow and learn... but I so wish I could slow down the clock.

Prayers and a Sneak Peek

It's crazy how after you've been through a tough situation it seems like you see stories similar to your own so often.  I'm quite sure the number of babies with health problems hasn't increased since Logan was born, I just take more notice because I've been there.  So today I'm asking you to pray for three babies who need the prayers.

First is baby Blaze Johnson.  His dad is a friend of ours.  Little Blaze was born early and has a problem with his heart.  He is scheduled to have his 3rd open heart surgery on Monday.  He and his parents could use all the prayers they can get through the weekend and on Monday.

Next is Halle Scott.  Her mom was only 18 weeks pregnant when she started dilating.  Halle Scott was born at 24 weeks and weighed only slightly less than Logan weighed when he was born.

Last but certainly not least is a baby not born yet.  Several weeks ago I happened to click on an ultrasound pic on facebook.  I thought it was a picture of a friend but turns out it showed up because my friend had commented on the picture.  It was actually a picture of a friend of her's.  Anyway, when I clicked on the picture  I noticed the profile picture of the poster was a tiny little miropreemie.  That made me very curious so I clicked to the profile.  Turns out this woman had a preemie born on Logan's 3rd birthday. God doesn't make mistakes people!  The ultrasound picture was of her rainbow baby.  I sent the woman a message telling her my story and that I was praying for her and her new baby and that I was there if she wanted to talk.  We've been talking back and forth ever since.  She is about 21 weeks and has been put on bed rest because of contractions.  Please pray that she makes it to term or at least far enough along that sweet baby breezes right through the NICU.

On a different subject, I told you already that in April we had our pictures taken by MckMama, well she posted a preview picture of our session and I personally think it's adorable :)

Easter and "Love You"

What a weekend/week we've had!  Last Friday we went to my parents' house for Easter.  Because we had the most time to spend with them on Saturday we decided to go ahead and let Eli do his Easter then.  First thing that morning Eli got his Easter basket which had a book, a couple of animal figurines, a coloring book, one little chocolate bunny and a stuffed dog.  He also got a bubble machine from my parents.  We went outside to play with the bubble machine and he loved it!  He kept saying "pop", every time he popped a bubble.

After his morning nap we "hid" Easter eggs in the front yard and let him find them.  He really enjoyed getting all the "balls" :)

 I put some small animal figurines in some of the eggs, had to come up with something other than candy.  He loves playing with the little figurines and they are perfect for car rides and at church, plus they don't take up much room in my purse.  We've been practicing on animal sounds so I got farm animals to help him learn which animals make which sounds.

Saturday night at dinner we let him have his chocolate bunny.  He only ate about half of it but he loved every bite!

Eli also helped Doug and my dad do some work around the house.  He has become such a big helper.  One of the things we did while we were in Birmingham was buy a toy box.  Up until now we've just been using little baskets and piling toys in one corner of the room but it was a little confusing for Eli when we asked him to help clean up.  Now, with the toy box, he does much better.  Last night I asked him to pick up and he put almost everything away without any help from me!  With my sister and brother-in-law moving in soon, we will have to do a better job of picking up the toys and I think the toy box is really going to help with that.

 On Sunday morning we all got dressed up and went to church.  Mass was beautiful, Easter has always been on of my favorite Masses of the year.  Doesn't he look sooo cute in his little suit!

Then Sunday afternoon we took Eli to a park.  This particular park had different areas for all different ages so we were able to let him play on his own for the most part.  It took him a while to warm up to the slides but once he got the idea he was zooming down them and clapping when he got to the bottom.

He played and played and then all of a sudden he sat down in the middle of the playground, just looking around and watching all the other kids.  He sat there for a couple of minutes and then stood up and starting wave "bye" to all the kids he saw.  We took that as our cue to leave!

Last night was a wonderful day because Eli said "love you" for the first time!  He's been signing it for a little while now but hearing him say it is so much better!!!

Getting this post up has been kind of crazy!  I was too busy on Monday to even think about it but yesterday when I went home for lunch I remembered that I wanted to post some of these pictures.  I grabbed the camera card and threw it in my pocket so I could look at the pics when I got back to work.  Unfortunately, I completely forgot that the card was in there until I got home and went to put the load of laundry (that included the pants I had worn to work) in the dryer.  I fully expected to see the card in the washing machine but after a lot of searching all I found was a paci (that we thought we had lost at my parents' house).  Doug and I talked through my whole day trying to figure out where I had lost it.  I even drove back to work to look around the parking lot, halls, bathroom and my office.  By the time we went to bed I had resigned myself to the fact that it was gone for good.  Then when I got to work this morning I had an email from a former professor of mine who works in the same building.  He had found the card on the floor and recognized Eli in the pictures!  I was so relieved to have it found and by someone who knew me!

I realize this post is kind of disjointed, but disjointed pretty much describes our life right now :)