Big Boy

Yesterday afternoon my mom and I were playing with Eli and trying to get him to walk back and forth between us.  He was holding on with one hand and going back and forth and then he got distracted and took two steps completely on his own!  As soon as he realized he wasn't holding on he sat down but we got really excited even by these few accidental steps.

Then later I was in the office doing some things on the computer and he came in and said "mama"!  He said it a couple of times that night so I know he knew what he was saying (as opposed to all the other times he's said mama, just because those sounds came out).

Then this afternoon I got a text from daycare:

Eli is no longer sleeping in a crib at daycare, he now sleeps on a nap mat like all the big kids!  I can't lie, I cried.  My baby is getting so big and that makes me really happy because I know what the alternative to growing up is.  But it makes me sad too because I know that in a blink he'll be starting kindergarten... moving to college... getting married... starting his own family.  It's moments like this when I really want to savor every second with him, when I vow not to forget or take for granted even one moment of his life!

It hit me...

I think it finally hit me this morning that Eli will be 1 in just 8 days!  Sure, I've been planning his party and counting down the days but it still didn't seem real.  It wasn't until last week that I realized I needed to get some food in my house (other than party food) because in just a few days we're going to have several people staying with us and they'll need to eat :)

I also realized that until recently, I have not dared to let myself imagine him making it to this birthday.  I don't mean that I really thought he'd die... I really don't know how to explain it.  Our only real experience with 1st birthdays was Logan's.  We weren't thinking about presents or smash cakes or photo shoots.  And even though I've been planning Eli's party for quite a while, I haven't really stopped to think about what it's all about, a whole year of blessings!

Even though everything with Eli has been so different than with Logan, I kind of feel like this birthday marks a new phase.  We had a baby before Eli.  But now we'll have a toddler.  It's really just a word, but even just typing it is like a sucker punch to me.  We never got toddler Logan, and as far as I know we never will.

I've often wondered what Logan will be like when we go to heaven.  Will he still be that tiny baby we held in our arms?  Will he be the age he would have been if he had lived?  Or is heaven on a different timeline altogether?  I have read "Heaven is for Real" (and I highly suggest it if you haven't read it) and from reading it, it seems that people do age in heaven but that people who die old aren't old in heaven.  So will we see Logan in all of the different stages of life?  Will we get to experience who he truly is when we get there?  I don't know the answer to these questions, but I do know that no matter what age he is or what he looks like we'll know him when we see him... it's a love thing.

So this weekend we'll be celebrating a year full of blessings, and we'll be grieving the moments we missed with Logan.  Until Logan, I didn't know those two emotions could be experienced at the same time, but I've learned so much since he was born.  It's all a part of this road we're travelling.

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I know that this post is kind of disjointed, and I've read over it several times trying to figure out how to fix that, but it is what it is... I guess I'm kind of disjointed myself :)

Praying

One year ago today was my very last day of work before maternity leave.  I was so excited about meeting Eli soon but also nervous that something could still go wrong.  I spent soo much time praying, begging God to let me  have a healthy little boy.


Last night I found myself on my knees again, begging God again.  You see, there is a little boy named Levi who is currently fighting for his life.  He was born with a diaphragmatic hernia, basically part of the muscle which keeps our organs where they are supposed to be is missing.  This condition has caused problems with his heart and lungs.  The doctors are not giving his family much hope, but they have put their hope in the Lord and are choosing to believe that He will heal little Levi.  Last night they had a prayer vigil at the hospital and they asked those who could not be there in person to pray wherever they were.  So at 7pm, I turned off HGTV, put my phone on vibrate and prayed for little Levi and his family.


Of course, Eli is too little to understand quiet time, so he was playing with all of his toys, making tons of racket and just having a good time.  At times I had tears running down my face for this sweet family facing such a tough road.  At times I would smile or even laugh as Eli did something cute or laughed at something that only a baby could find funny.  And I thought of Logan and how I felt last year waiting for Eli.  The fears and emotions I had then came flooding back.  


When I think about this family, I remember what it was like to go to that hospital every day, to face the news (good and bad) and I remember that every single day we are given is such a blessing.  When I announced here that I was pregnant with Eli I said this:

"And for right now, I am going to take every single day as a blessing.  If I am pregnant for only 2 weeks, that is 2 weeks I get to spend with this baby.  If I am pregnant for 24 weeks and 6 days, that is 24 weeks and 6 days I get to spend with this baby.  And if I bring home a baby in 9 months and get to watch that child grow, I will be blessed for every day I am pregnant and every day of that child's life.  "

It's so true!  Every day that I hold Eli, every moment spent with him is such a blessing.  My heart is so full of love for both of my boys it seems like it can't hold any more.  It has only been recently that Eli has started to wake up without screaming before I go into his room to get him.  And on those mornings when he is awake, I hear him say "hey" when I open the door and he always has a big smile on his face.  And somehow, my heart grows a little bit bigger, just enough to let more love in.  


I don't know God's plans for little Levi but I hope and pray it involves a miracle for this family.  I hope that the doctors are amazed by what God has been able to do in his life.  But most of all, I hope Levi's family feels God's presence in this journey and that they know in every moment they are blessed because of their little boy.

11 Months

We are less than one month away from Eli's first birthday!  It is so amazing to me how fast the time has gone.

Eli now weighs 22.6 lbs and is wearing 12 month clothes.  He cruises along the furniture pretty well and has stood on his own for a few seconds here and there.  He recently started crawling on his knees some, but when he wants to get somewhere fast he's back to the army crawl.

He says ball, dog, Dada and uh oh (it usually sounds more like uh uh) and said kitty this weekend.

We spent the weekend in Georgia with some friends and had an awesome time!  Eli loves them both and I'm so thankful they've been so much a part of his life since day 1.  Here are some pictures from our trip.

Headed to the Troy/Clemson game

Go Trojans!!!

The Sleepy Wrap was perfect for this game. Eli napped for almost the entire 1st half so it would have been killer to have to hold him the whole time without the wrap.

Watching the ball

Hanging out with Daddy

Eli has a Troy jersey but we had to take it off because it was sooo hot.

Thank goodness we got the Baby Banz ear muffs, it was extremely loud.

Eli is a big Troy Trojan fan!  He loved watching the ball at the game.  He really showed his Trojan pride when some guys behind us started bad mouthing Troy.  The guys were going on and on about a play and Eli looked up at them with a mean look that I can't even begin to explain.  The best part was the guys noticed the look and apologized to me for making my baby mad.  They were laughing and saying that he was gonna beat them up for talking bad about the Trojans :)

On our way to go shopping, 11 month birthday

Napping with Christie