14 Weeks

The pregnancy journey has begun again.  Starting today I will have doctor appointments every other week, until Dr. H decides to make them weekly.  My surgery went really well and she told me today that everything is healing nicely and looks exactly like she wants it.  It has been 4 years since Logan was born and from the day he was born Dr. H told me she felt like I had an incompetent cervix but that I didn't present as a "normal" incompetent cervix case.  However, after this surgery she told Doug and I that she is confident that incompetent cervix is my problem.  In a way it's hard to know that my body failed Logan and that it is because of my deficiency that he is not with us.  However, we've said from day 1 that Logan might have died to save the rest of our children and we now know that that is, at least in part, true.  It is because of his short life that I was given a cerclage with Eli and again with this pregnancy.  It's also somewhat comforting to know what the problem is and that the cerclage fixes it.

The baby's heart rate today was 152.  It has stayed around 150-160 since the first time we heard it.  I have absolutely no idea what this baby will be, guessing based on heart rates and morning sickness led me astray with Eli and this time has been different than either Logan or Eli so we'll just wait and see.  It won't be long either because my anatomy ultrasound is already scheduled for Sept. 17.

I really thought that this pregnancy would be easier.  Since I've been through all of this before, I thought I would know what to expect and not panic as easily.  I was wrong.  I feel pretty much the same way I felt when I was pregnant with Eli, scared every little twinge is the beginning of the end of this pregnancy.  I KNOW, without any doubt, that God has my little family in His hands, and that no matter what happens between now and February, we will be okay.  I just pray that means a healthy baby born in January.

So I'm asking for prayers for this baby and my sanity through the next several months.  Also, my maternal Grandma is currently in the CCU and very sick.  Please pray for her as well.