Monday, February 14, 2011


Love is so hard to put into words.  It's one of those things you know when you see, or in this case feel. 

I've felt the most love in "the calm after the storm" moments.

At my wedding, things were crazy hectic.  I remember at one point calling my mom and asking her to bring my dress.  She was busy putting together the wedding cake.  This was just minutes before the photographer was supposed to start taking pictures.  But after the ceremony was over, while we were taking the last few pictures, with just our family and closest friends, the love that filled that room was amazing.  And not just between Doug and I.  Love between our families, our friends.  At that moment, the rest of the world disappeared and love was all there was.

Logan's life was surrounded by love.  But the "love" moment I remember the most happened when he died.  When Doug and I walked into that room the nurses were working on him in a frenzied pace.  There could have been one of them or 10 of them, I can't really say.  But they all loved that little boy and us at that moment and I knew they were doing everything they possibly could.  The next thing I knew they were asking if we wanted to hold him and as they placed him in my arms the world faded away and it was just Logan, Doug and me, loving on each other in every way we knew how.

And then came Eli's birth.  Again, it was a very hectic scene.  The nurse was trying to have me wait until my doctor got there but Eli had a different plan.  When he was born the nurses flew into action.  I couldn't touch him enough.  The nurse was slinging Eli around, giving him shots and a bath, getting his footprints and his stats.  All the while, my doctor and nurse were working to get me cleaned up.  And then...

Then there was a time when they brought Eli to me, my nurse dimmed the lights, and everyone left the room.  It was just our little family and I would swear that the love that was present in that room was a solid, touchable object.  We may have been that way for 5 min. or 5 hours, I can't really say.  But I know that I will never forget that moment and I will never forget that love.

The Bible says that God is love and so I know that God was in that room with us and I'm pretty sure he was holding Logan's hand.

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