We
officially
have
a
toddler!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Chills
Yesterday on my way to pick up Eli I was listening to the radio and heard the DJ talking about a movie called "180". I had to check it out and after watching it, I have to share. It gave me chills. This movie is a documentary-type film and is about abortion (and so much more). It is 33 min. long so I suggest waiting until you have time to watch the whole thing before you start it. Amazing how one question can change it all....
If you haven't watched the movie, don't read below...
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A few things in this movie really stood out for me.
1. The picture of the 24 week old baby... obviously, this one is tough for me personally because Logan was born around that time. He lived, he breathed, he cried, he sucked a paci... the baby in the bed next to him was born at the same age and he thrived and went home with his parents... how could anyone think that's "not a baby".
2. At one point someone mentions that if the quality of life of the child is going to be bad, then it's okay to have an abortion. How do we know what the quality of life will be like? I've encountered people who thought their baby was perfectly healthy until the day the child was born or even discovered the illness/disability much later than that. I've also encountered people who were told their child would be very, very sick for their whole life, if they even made it to birth and now the child is thriving (case in point, Stellan). And just because we think a certain life is of "bad quality", who's to say it really is? So many illnesses/disabilities are or have been very misunderstood. People who were at one time sent to a hospital or group home because of their "condition" are now living on their own and doing just fine. God can and does continue to perform miracles every single day. Some are small, like the A on the test you didn't study for or the smile you know you saw from a child too young to smile. Some are big, like remission from cancer. Either way, if we step in we're taking away the opportunity for a miracle.
3. One of the girls said she thought it was okay for a mother to choose abortion in some situations. Then Ray Comfort asks her what situation is okay, she hesitates and then says she can't think of one. How many times in life do we just simply say "it's okay, sometimes"? Not even talking about abortion here, about everything in life. We accept excuses without stopping to think about whether they are valid.
To me, this video is about awareness. We all have to hold ourselves responsible for being aware about what's going on. Sometimes so much is going on in our lives we just let things slip by, we think "someone else will take care of that" (I count myself in this group sometimes). We have all these ribbons and months and weeks marked for awareness: a pink ribbon and the month of October for Breast Cancer Awareness, November is Prematurity Awareness Month, this week is EB Awareness Week (if you don't know what EB is, please visit "EB"ing a Mommy). I think we need a ribbon for awareness itself, it would remind us to be aware of what is going on in our community, our state, our country and our world, all the time.
If you haven't watched the movie, don't read below...
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
A few things in this movie really stood out for me.
1. The picture of the 24 week old baby... obviously, this one is tough for me personally because Logan was born around that time. He lived, he breathed, he cried, he sucked a paci... the baby in the bed next to him was born at the same age and he thrived and went home with his parents... how could anyone think that's "not a baby".
2. At one point someone mentions that if the quality of life of the child is going to be bad, then it's okay to have an abortion. How do we know what the quality of life will be like? I've encountered people who thought their baby was perfectly healthy until the day the child was born or even discovered the illness/disability much later than that. I've also encountered people who were told their child would be very, very sick for their whole life, if they even made it to birth and now the child is thriving (case in point, Stellan). And just because we think a certain life is of "bad quality", who's to say it really is? So many illnesses/disabilities are or have been very misunderstood. People who were at one time sent to a hospital or group home because of their "condition" are now living on their own and doing just fine. God can and does continue to perform miracles every single day. Some are small, like the A on the test you didn't study for or the smile you know you saw from a child too young to smile. Some are big, like remission from cancer. Either way, if we step in we're taking away the opportunity for a miracle.
3. One of the girls said she thought it was okay for a mother to choose abortion in some situations. Then Ray Comfort asks her what situation is okay, she hesitates and then says she can't think of one. How many times in life do we just simply say "it's okay, sometimes"? Not even talking about abortion here, about everything in life. We accept excuses without stopping to think about whether they are valid.
To me, this video is about awareness. We all have to hold ourselves responsible for being aware about what's going on. Sometimes so much is going on in our lives we just let things slip by, we think "someone else will take care of that" (I count myself in this group sometimes). We have all these ribbons and months and weeks marked for awareness: a pink ribbon and the month of October for Breast Cancer Awareness, November is Prematurity Awareness Month, this week is EB Awareness Week (if you don't know what EB is, please visit "EB"ing a Mommy). I think we need a ribbon for awareness itself, it would remind us to be aware of what is going on in our community, our state, our country and our world, all the time.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Color
After painting our kitchen, office and both bathrooms last summer I have been itching to get the last of the "builder brown" out of our house. We have known we wanted to paint the living room gray for a while but hadn't decided on an exact shade until this fall. We bought the paint and materials weeks ago and this week we're finally getting it painted!
Here's the living room with it's new gray...
The wall part of the tray ceiling is painted the same shade as the hall, which is lighter than the shade in the living room. Here's the hall...
We have so much more to do in these spaces. We are going to do a photo wall in the hallway and a tree will be painted on the short wall in our living room and pictures will go there too. Below is the inspiration for the tree which I found here
I am planning to make fabric circles with pictures in them instead of leaves.
And eventually I'm going to paint my frames in the hall so that my photo wall looks something like this but with more pictures (and my frames aren't that fancy)
Then there's the master bedroom. We've just started on it this morning, so there are no pictures, but here's my inspiration...
I cannot wait to see it all come together. I am also painting two of the doors in my room a shade of red (more maroon-y than fire engine). That part is a little scary to me but I've seen a bunch of painted doors on Pinterest that I really like so I'm going to try it out to see what I think. Worse case scenario I just repaint them later.
Before we painted our house the first time I was almost afraid to try out bright colors but now I say bring it on! I love making my house "ours", I know that there are lots of people that probably think I'm crazy, but you know what, it's just a little paint :)
Here's the living room with it's new gray...
The wall part of the tray ceiling is painted the same shade as the hall, which is lighter than the shade in the living room. Here's the hall...
We have so much more to do in these spaces. We are going to do a photo wall in the hallway and a tree will be painted on the short wall in our living room and pictures will go there too. Below is the inspiration for the tree which I found here
And eventually I'm going to paint my frames in the hall so that my photo wall looks something like this but with more pictures (and my frames aren't that fancy)
Then there's the master bedroom. We've just started on it this morning, so there are no pictures, but here's my inspiration...
The bottom will be "paneling" like in this picture which I found on Pinterest here
The top will be stripes based loosely on these
I cannot wait to see it all come together. I am also painting two of the doors in my room a shade of red (more maroon-y than fire engine). That part is a little scary to me but I've seen a bunch of painted doors on Pinterest that I really like so I'm going to try it out to see what I think. Worse case scenario I just repaint them later.
Before we painted our house the first time I was almost afraid to try out bright colors but now I say bring it on! I love making my house "ours", I know that there are lots of people that probably think I'm crazy, but you know what, it's just a little paint :)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Big Boy
Yesterday afternoon my mom and I were playing with Eli and trying to get him to walk back and forth between us. He was holding on with one hand and going back and forth and then he got distracted and took two steps completely on his own! As soon as he realized he wasn't holding on he sat down but we got really excited even by these few accidental steps.
Then later I was in the office doing some things on the computer and he came in and said "mama"! He said it a couple of times that night so I know he knew what he was saying (as opposed to all the other times he's said mama, just because those sounds came out).
Then this afternoon I got a text from daycare:
Eli is no longer sleeping in a crib at daycare, he now sleeps on a nap mat like all the big kids! I can't lie, I cried. My baby is getting so big and that makes me really happy because I know what the alternative to growing up is. But it makes me sad too because I know that in a blink he'll be starting kindergarten... moving to college... getting married... starting his own family. It's moments like this when I really want to savor every second with him, when I vow not to forget or take for granted even one moment of his life!
Then later I was in the office doing some things on the computer and he came in and said "mama"! He said it a couple of times that night so I know he knew what he was saying (as opposed to all the other times he's said mama, just because those sounds came out).
Then this afternoon I got a text from daycare:
Monday, September 26, 2011
It hit me...
I think it finally hit me this morning that Eli will be 1 in just 8 days! Sure, I've been planning his party and counting down the days but it still didn't seem real. It wasn't until last week that I realized I needed to get some food in my house (other than party food) because in just a few days we're going to have several people staying with us and they'll need to eat :)
I also realized that until recently, I have not dared to let myself imagine him making it to this birthday. I don't mean that I really thought he'd die... I really don't know how to explain it. Our only real experience with 1st birthdays was Logan's. We weren't thinking about presents or smash cakes or photo shoots. And even though I've been planning Eli's party for quite a while, I haven't really stopped to think about what it's all about, a whole year of blessings!
Even though everything with Eli has been so different than with Logan, I kind of feel like this birthday marks a new phase. We had a baby before Eli. But now we'll have a toddler. It's really just a word, but even just typing it is like a sucker punch to me. We never got toddler Logan, and as far as I know we never will.
I've often wondered what Logan will be like when we go to heaven. Will he still be that tiny baby we held in our arms? Will he be the age he would have been if he had lived? Or is heaven on a different timeline altogether? I have read "Heaven is for Real" (and I highly suggest it if you haven't read it) and from reading it, it seems that people do age in heaven but that people who die old aren't old in heaven. So will we see Logan in all of the different stages of life? Will we get to experience who he truly is when we get there? I don't know the answer to these questions, but I do know that no matter what age he is or what he looks like we'll know him when we see him... it's a love thing.
So this weekend we'll be celebrating a year full of blessings, and we'll be grieving the moments we missed with Logan. Until Logan, I didn't know those two emotions could be experienced at the same time, but I've learned so much since he was born. It's all a part of this road we're travelling.
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I know that this post is kind of disjointed, and I've read over it several times trying to figure out how to fix that, but it is what it is... I guess I'm kind of disjointed myself :)
I also realized that until recently, I have not dared to let myself imagine him making it to this birthday. I don't mean that I really thought he'd die... I really don't know how to explain it. Our only real experience with 1st birthdays was Logan's. We weren't thinking about presents or smash cakes or photo shoots. And even though I've been planning Eli's party for quite a while, I haven't really stopped to think about what it's all about, a whole year of blessings!
Even though everything with Eli has been so different than with Logan, I kind of feel like this birthday marks a new phase. We had a baby before Eli. But now we'll have a toddler. It's really just a word, but even just typing it is like a sucker punch to me. We never got toddler Logan, and as far as I know we never will.
I've often wondered what Logan will be like when we go to heaven. Will he still be that tiny baby we held in our arms? Will he be the age he would have been if he had lived? Or is heaven on a different timeline altogether? I have read "Heaven is for Real" (and I highly suggest it if you haven't read it) and from reading it, it seems that people do age in heaven but that people who die old aren't old in heaven. So will we see Logan in all of the different stages of life? Will we get to experience who he truly is when we get there? I don't know the answer to these questions, but I do know that no matter what age he is or what he looks like we'll know him when we see him... it's a love thing.
So this weekend we'll be celebrating a year full of blessings, and we'll be grieving the moments we missed with Logan. Until Logan, I didn't know those two emotions could be experienced at the same time, but I've learned so much since he was born. It's all a part of this road we're travelling.
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I know that this post is kind of disjointed, and I've read over it several times trying to figure out how to fix that, but it is what it is... I guess I'm kind of disjointed myself :)
Friday, September 16, 2011
Praying
One year ago today was my very last day of work before maternity leave. I was so excited about meeting Eli soon but also nervous that something could still go wrong. I spent soo much time praying, begging God to let me have a healthy little boy.
Last night I found myself on my knees again, begging God again. You see, there is a little boy named Levi who is currently fighting for his life. He was born with a diaphragmatic hernia, basically part of the muscle which keeps our organs where they are supposed to be is missing. This condition has caused problems with his heart and lungs. The doctors are not giving his family much hope, but they have put their hope in the Lord and are choosing to believe that He will heal little Levi. Last night they had a prayer vigil at the hospital and they asked those who could not be there in person to pray wherever they were. So at 7pm, I turned off HGTV, put my phone on vibrate and prayed for little Levi and his family.
Of course, Eli is too little to understand quiet time, so he was playing with all of his toys, making tons of racket and just having a good time. At times I had tears running down my face for this sweet family facing such a tough road. At times I would smile or even laugh as Eli did something cute or laughed at something that only a baby could find funny. And I thought of Logan and how I felt last year waiting for Eli. The fears and emotions I had then came flooding back.
When I think about this family, I remember what it was like to go to that hospital every day, to face the news (good and bad) and I remember that every single day we are given is such a blessing. When I announced here that I was pregnant with Eli I said this:
I don't know God's plans for little Levi but I hope and pray it involves a miracle for this family. I hope that the doctors are amazed by what God has been able to do in his life. But most of all, I hope Levi's family feels God's presence in this journey and that they know in every moment they are blessed because of their little boy.
Last night I found myself on my knees again, begging God again. You see, there is a little boy named Levi who is currently fighting for his life. He was born with a diaphragmatic hernia, basically part of the muscle which keeps our organs where they are supposed to be is missing. This condition has caused problems with his heart and lungs. The doctors are not giving his family much hope, but they have put their hope in the Lord and are choosing to believe that He will heal little Levi. Last night they had a prayer vigil at the hospital and they asked those who could not be there in person to pray wherever they were. So at 7pm, I turned off HGTV, put my phone on vibrate and prayed for little Levi and his family.
Of course, Eli is too little to understand quiet time, so he was playing with all of his toys, making tons of racket and just having a good time. At times I had tears running down my face for this sweet family facing such a tough road. At times I would smile or even laugh as Eli did something cute or laughed at something that only a baby could find funny. And I thought of Logan and how I felt last year waiting for Eli. The fears and emotions I had then came flooding back.
When I think about this family, I remember what it was like to go to that hospital every day, to face the news (good and bad) and I remember that every single day we are given is such a blessing. When I announced here that I was pregnant with Eli I said this:
"And for right now, I am going to take every single day as a blessing. If I am pregnant for only 2 weeks, that is 2 weeks I get to spend with this baby. If I am pregnant for 24 weeks and 6 days, that is 24 weeks and 6 days I get to spend with this baby. And if I bring home a baby in 9 months and get to watch that child grow, I will be blessed for every day I am pregnant and every day of that child's life. "It's so true! Every day that I hold Eli, every moment spent with him is such a blessing. My heart is so full of love for both of my boys it seems like it can't hold any more. It has only been recently that Eli has started to wake up without screaming before I go into his room to get him. And on those mornings when he is awake, I hear him say "hey" when I open the door and he always has a big smile on his face. And somehow, my heart grows a little bit bigger, just enough to let more love in.
I don't know God's plans for little Levi but I hope and pray it involves a miracle for this family. I hope that the doctors are amazed by what God has been able to do in his life. But most of all, I hope Levi's family feels God's presence in this journey and that they know in every moment they are blessed because of their little boy.
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