Oh my sweet girl! It is so very hard for me to understand how you got to 3 so quickly! Your life has passed in a flash for me, even though I remember several hard, never-ending days in there.
We celebrated your birthday very early this year because of Daddy's work schedule and our big trip to Disney World. We are at Animal Kingdom today and if you are half as excited as you have been in the days leading up to this trip I know it will be a magical day. For your birthday we did a Sheriff Callie theme and you were so excited you talked about it for weeks and have still been talking about it. While we were setting up you nearly had me in tears because every few minutes you would look around and then come up to me and say "Thank you for my Sheriff Callie birthday!". Knowing that I played any part in making that look come on your face is something I absolutely cherish.
You have the very sweetest heart and constantly say "I love you" and kiss me. And you give the biggest and best hugs ever, squeezing with all of your might.
You love you Daddy and your brother SO SO much. And the cats. The love you have for both Penny and Ginger is amazing to watch.
You are such a big girl and like to do things by yourself and for the most part, when you put your mind to something you get it done.
You are about 38 in. tall, 34 lbs. wear a size 3T and a size 9 shoe. You love girly things like makeup and dresses and finger nail polish but you also love to play with your brother's cars and planes.
I honestly cannot believe this is your last full year in daycare. Next Christmas will be the last one before you start preschool. It breaks my heart to know you are growing up so fast but I am loving every minute of watching you become your own little person.
At your eye doctor appointment this week someone asked you your name and for the first time, you weren't shy, you piped right up, "Emowee Gooden". Just one more small way you're growing up and not needing me anymore. But I'll always be here little girl! You may not need me often, but whenever you do, I'm here.
I love you so, so much and I hope you are having the most amazing birthday ever.
Love,
Mama
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Five
Eli,
Five whole years! Five whole years have passed since that first day when they placed you in my arms. I honestly cannot believe it has already been 5 years. And every time I think about that it flashes in my brain that in 5 more years you'll be 10!
But let's not think about that for now. For now let's think about now. You started Pre-K this year and you've been a rock star for the most part! For the first 6 weeks or so you got all but 2 pinks (best possible) and those 2 days you got blue (second best)! And you are loving school. Every day you come home excited to tell us something new you learned or to teach us a new song.
You also started soccer this year and you're are really enjoying it and doing very well at all positions. You've played goalie, offense and defense and while you're not the top scorer and you have been scored on, you are doing really good and getting better every game.
But soccer had led to a red at school (worst possible) and an orange (second worst). I know it's just because you are tired from school and soccer but we are doing our best to teach you that being tired is not an excuse for bad behavior. We have 4 games left over the next 2 weeks so hopefully they will be better.
You specifically asked for a Spiderman birthday at Xtreme Athletics this year and then you told us that you wanted all the kids to have capes so you could pretend you were saving people. That's when we realized that even though you said Spiderman you meant Superman. So we ended up doing a superhero birthday and Mammaw and I managed to make capes for the kids. You had a blast!
It seems like you have hit a growth spurt over the summer and suddenly nothing is fitting. I'm slowly getting rid of all the pants and pjs that are too small and then last week we realized that even your underwear were too small :) I cried the night that we bought the next size up and they actually fit you better than I expected.
What can I say, you are growing up in every way. You are taking on more responsibilities: feeding the cats and sometimes the dogs; doing dishes and wiping off the table, picking out your own clothes and ready almost completely by yourself some mornings. One morning you even made your own toast!
I'm not ready for you to grow up but at the same time I love watching you. I love seeing little pieces of the person you are becoming each day. I hope you always stay as helpful and loving as you are now. I hope you keep on loving trains or find something else you are just as passionate about. You are the best son and big brother around and we love you very, very, very much! Happy Birthday big boy!
-Mommy
Five whole years! Five whole years have passed since that first day when they placed you in my arms. I honestly cannot believe it has already been 5 years. And every time I think about that it flashes in my brain that in 5 more years you'll be 10!
But let's not think about that for now. For now let's think about now. You started Pre-K this year and you've been a rock star for the most part! For the first 6 weeks or so you got all but 2 pinks (best possible) and those 2 days you got blue (second best)! And you are loving school. Every day you come home excited to tell us something new you learned or to teach us a new song.
You also started soccer this year and you're are really enjoying it and doing very well at all positions. You've played goalie, offense and defense and while you're not the top scorer and you have been scored on, you are doing really good and getting better every game.
But soccer had led to a red at school (worst possible) and an orange (second worst). I know it's just because you are tired from school and soccer but we are doing our best to teach you that being tired is not an excuse for bad behavior. We have 4 games left over the next 2 weeks so hopefully they will be better.
You specifically asked for a Spiderman birthday at Xtreme Athletics this year and then you told us that you wanted all the kids to have capes so you could pretend you were saving people. That's when we realized that even though you said Spiderman you meant Superman. So we ended up doing a superhero birthday and Mammaw and I managed to make capes for the kids. You had a blast!
It seems like you have hit a growth spurt over the summer and suddenly nothing is fitting. I'm slowly getting rid of all the pants and pjs that are too small and then last week we realized that even your underwear were too small :) I cried the night that we bought the next size up and they actually fit you better than I expected.
What can I say, you are growing up in every way. You are taking on more responsibilities: feeding the cats and sometimes the dogs; doing dishes and wiping off the table, picking out your own clothes and ready almost completely by yourself some mornings. One morning you even made your own toast!
I'm not ready for you to grow up but at the same time I love watching you. I love seeing little pieces of the person you are becoming each day. I hope you always stay as helpful and loving as you are now. I hope you keep on loving trains or find something else you are just as passionate about. You are the best son and big brother around and we love you very, very, very much! Happy Birthday big boy!
-Mommy
Saturday, June 27, 2015
7
Oh my dear sweet Logan, how can I possibly explain how much I truly miss you? You would be seven years old today. Heading for the second grade. All of the things we are about to do for the first time with Eli should be old hat for us: sports, school shopping, meeting teachers. If you were here in our arms we would have traveled this road before. But instead we're facing it all for the first time and wondering what it would have looked like if we'd gotten to do it all with you.
Every year the days between June 16 - July 14 are so hard on me. The rest of the year I can stay busy for the most part with your brother and sister and even though I think of you daily, it doesn't hit me the same way. But every year during these 4 weeks I lose my breath when I think of you. I feel like I could cry at a moments notice and everything seems to relate to you in some way. Just lately I've realized how unprepared I was when you were born. I wasn't a very good mom during those 17 days. I mean, sure, I did all the things I was supposed to do. I pumped and visited the NICU often. I thought about you non-stop. But I didn't know how to be a good mom then. I didn't know how to sit beside your bed and just be there. Sometimes when we came to visit I felt like I was just checking in on you. I didn't know what to do except stare at you. Some of that is because I was being watched (or at least felt like I was). We never had alone time you and me. There were nurses, family members, friends... if we could have just been alone maybe I would have known what to say to you or felt comfortable singing to you or telling you a story. I wish I had been brave enough to do those things anyway. But I know that I am a better mom to Eli and Emily than I ever could have been without you. I hug them and kiss them and tell them I love them more often because I don't get to do those things with you. I hope that taking that lesson makes me a better mom to you too.
Each and every year I wonder what kind of presents you would want for your birthday, what kind of party you would want to have. Would we be doing an Extreme Athletics party? A pool party? Or would you have chosen a family trip?
Or would you be so significantly delayed/handicapped that a small, family-only party would be our only choice?
That's part of my reality, knowing that if you had lived there would have been a significant chance of severe handicaps/delays. Life on this earth may have been extremely difficult and possibly even painful for you. And still a selfish part of me wishes you were here despite any hardships you may have faced. But a much larger part of me is so happy for you. Happy that you feel no pain, that you watch over us, that we don't have to worry about you because we know you're safe.
When I went to pick up your flowers yesterday the florist didn't have any ready. Apparently they lost my order or just didn't have it made in time, I really don't know. But it completely broke my heart to be forced to just pick something that they just had sitting around or else leave with nothing for you. I called early, I wanted you to have something special. I wanted to scream at them, there wasn't a single arrangement there I really liked. But what choice did I have? So I picked the green and white ones since my only other choices were girly or baby blue. They're not good enough but they'll have to do this year.
I love you so much sweet boy and I hope you are having an amazing 7th Birthday Party in Heaven!
-Mommy
Every year the days between June 16 - July 14 are so hard on me. The rest of the year I can stay busy for the most part with your brother and sister and even though I think of you daily, it doesn't hit me the same way. But every year during these 4 weeks I lose my breath when I think of you. I feel like I could cry at a moments notice and everything seems to relate to you in some way. Just lately I've realized how unprepared I was when you were born. I wasn't a very good mom during those 17 days. I mean, sure, I did all the things I was supposed to do. I pumped and visited the NICU often. I thought about you non-stop. But I didn't know how to be a good mom then. I didn't know how to sit beside your bed and just be there. Sometimes when we came to visit I felt like I was just checking in on you. I didn't know what to do except stare at you. Some of that is because I was being watched (or at least felt like I was). We never had alone time you and me. There were nurses, family members, friends... if we could have just been alone maybe I would have known what to say to you or felt comfortable singing to you or telling you a story. I wish I had been brave enough to do those things anyway. But I know that I am a better mom to Eli and Emily than I ever could have been without you. I hug them and kiss them and tell them I love them more often because I don't get to do those things with you. I hope that taking that lesson makes me a better mom to you too.
Each and every year I wonder what kind of presents you would want for your birthday, what kind of party you would want to have. Would we be doing an Extreme Athletics party? A pool party? Or would you have chosen a family trip?
Or would you be so significantly delayed/handicapped that a small, family-only party would be our only choice?
That's part of my reality, knowing that if you had lived there would have been a significant chance of severe handicaps/delays. Life on this earth may have been extremely difficult and possibly even painful for you. And still a selfish part of me wishes you were here despite any hardships you may have faced. But a much larger part of me is so happy for you. Happy that you feel no pain, that you watch over us, that we don't have to worry about you because we know you're safe.
When I went to pick up your flowers yesterday the florist didn't have any ready. Apparently they lost my order or just didn't have it made in time, I really don't know. But it completely broke my heart to be forced to just pick something that they just had sitting around or else leave with nothing for you. I called early, I wanted you to have something special. I wanted to scream at them, there wasn't a single arrangement there I really liked. But what choice did I have? So I picked the green and white ones since my only other choices were girly or baby blue. They're not good enough but they'll have to do this year.
I love you so much sweet boy and I hope you are having an amazing 7th Birthday Party in Heaven!
-Mommy
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Two
Emily,
My sweet, sweet baby girl! I am absolutely blown away how fast the past two years have passed! The day you were born was such a miracle and you continue to be a huge blessing in my life. You fulfill my dreams of having a little princess in the house.
"Princess" is actually your new favorite word and you LOVE wearing outfits with princess on them, dressing in princess dresses or wearing a crown. You also love clothes in general, jewelry, play shoes and your "bag". You also love animals, especially cats. Kitty goes just about everywhere with us.
You love to cuddle with mama but now if I ask for a kiss you say no just to tease me. You are definitely stubborn and adventurous. You climb everything you can reach and chase your big brother everywhere. You want to do everything he does even if it means getting hurt.
You love Frozen, Tangled, Sophia the First and Doc McStuffins. You know most of the songs and you sing and dance every time you hear music. I love watching you twirl around our living room, listening to you sing and having dance parties with you. At Christmas Pappaw danced with you and now when you turn on music you typically hold out two hands for the closest person to dance with.
You are not a big fan of riding in your car seat but you love going to the zoo and seeing all the animals. There's not really any food you don't like but you have moments when you refuse to eat unless we give you a fork. You typically pick up the food, put it on the fork and then put it in your mouth, but you're learning. You like to color but all the crayons have to be dumped out before you're done. And we have to keep them put away because you will color on the table, the floor, yourself, or any other available surface. You are constantly into something! We have to keep anything we don't want you getting a hold of locked up or you will get it somehow. You love getting Daddy's wallet which will probably be a trend that continues throughout your life ;)
You are such a good little sister and you love your brother more than anyone else. Even when he's being bossy you typically give him what he wants without any fuss. Earlier this week Eli told me that you were going to be his "Mom" (he meant wife) when you grow up. I explained that he can't marry you because you are his sister, but I think that really shows how much he loves you.
We love you so much sweet girl! You completed our family and I don't know what we would do without you. I absolutely love watching you grow! And even though I wish time would slow down, I'm so excited to see who you become!
Love always,
Mommy
My sweet, sweet baby girl! I am absolutely blown away how fast the past two years have passed! The day you were born was such a miracle and you continue to be a huge blessing in my life. You fulfill my dreams of having a little princess in the house.
"Princess" is actually your new favorite word and you LOVE wearing outfits with princess on them, dressing in princess dresses or wearing a crown. You also love clothes in general, jewelry, play shoes and your "bag". You also love animals, especially cats. Kitty goes just about everywhere with us.
You love to cuddle with mama but now if I ask for a kiss you say no just to tease me. You are definitely stubborn and adventurous. You climb everything you can reach and chase your big brother everywhere. You want to do everything he does even if it means getting hurt.
You love Frozen, Tangled, Sophia the First and Doc McStuffins. You know most of the songs and you sing and dance every time you hear music. I love watching you twirl around our living room, listening to you sing and having dance parties with you. At Christmas Pappaw danced with you and now when you turn on music you typically hold out two hands for the closest person to dance with.
You are not a big fan of riding in your car seat but you love going to the zoo and seeing all the animals. There's not really any food you don't like but you have moments when you refuse to eat unless we give you a fork. You typically pick up the food, put it on the fork and then put it in your mouth, but you're learning. You like to color but all the crayons have to be dumped out before you're done. And we have to keep them put away because you will color on the table, the floor, yourself, or any other available surface. You are constantly into something! We have to keep anything we don't want you getting a hold of locked up or you will get it somehow. You love getting Daddy's wallet which will probably be a trend that continues throughout your life ;)
You are such a good little sister and you love your brother more than anyone else. Even when he's being bossy you typically give him what he wants without any fuss. Earlier this week Eli told me that you were going to be his "Mom" (he meant wife) when you grow up. I explained that he can't marry you because you are his sister, but I think that really shows how much he loves you.
We love you so much sweet girl! You completed our family and I don't know what we would do without you. I absolutely love watching you grow! And even though I wish time would slow down, I'm so excited to see who you become!
Love always,
Mommy
Saturday, October 4, 2014
4
Eli,
I absolutely cannot believe you are 4 years old! My heart nearly stops every time you say that after 4 you'll be 5. I really wish I could slow down time. I am hoping this year passes very slowly but I know it's going to fly by like all the others.
You are such a sweet boy! We've had our fair share of troubles but it warms my heart every time you say "Mommy, I love you" out of nowhere. You share your love so easily to everyone around you and, even though it might cause you some heartache down the road, I hope you always do. You are the best big brother to Emily. You've been known to say "Good morning sweet princess" when she wakes up and you will do anything and everything for her even when we want her to do it herself. You love nothing more than playing with your daddy, whether it be trains, planes, cars or animals. And you're almost always willing to help me.
You are still obsessed with trains. We went to Chattanooga last month to take you on a birthday train trip and the memories we made won't ever be forgotten. I wonder nearly every day if trains are going to be a lifetime passion of yours or if one day you're going to wake up and move on to something else.
You are super smart too. We have spent the last 6 months or so teaching you letters and how to write them. You have even memorized 26 Bible verses and 3 prayers (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, Our Father and Hail Mary).
You like chicken nuggets, pizza and pancakes. And last weekend you happily ate a cheeseburger for the first time, I'm hoping that leads to you liking more foods that you formerly hated. Your favorite color changes every time I ask you but you seem to choose green most often when you are just picking colors for things. Your favorite word recently is "Awesome" and this year you have started singing full songs. It seems like you hear a song once or twice and you know all the words. You're not a big fan of movies because they always have a bad guy of some sort but you LOVE happy endings when you do watch them.
My heart fills with so much love every time I look at you or think of you. Tuesday morning I told you it was 4 days until your birthday and you said "then I'll be 9 and 10 and 11" and I told you that it would be a while before then and you replied "it'll be a lot of days and then I'll be a grown up like you", the thought of that makes me happy and sad at the same time. I know it's going to pass in the blink of an eye. I looked at you and saw a flash of you all grown up and I said "We'll always be buddies, even when you're grown up, right?", you said yep with a big grin on your face.
I love you sweet boy!
-Mommy
I absolutely cannot believe you are 4 years old! My heart nearly stops every time you say that after 4 you'll be 5. I really wish I could slow down time. I am hoping this year passes very slowly but I know it's going to fly by like all the others.
You are such a sweet boy! We've had our fair share of troubles but it warms my heart every time you say "Mommy, I love you" out of nowhere. You share your love so easily to everyone around you and, even though it might cause you some heartache down the road, I hope you always do. You are the best big brother to Emily. You've been known to say "Good morning sweet princess" when she wakes up and you will do anything and everything for her even when we want her to do it herself. You love nothing more than playing with your daddy, whether it be trains, planes, cars or animals. And you're almost always willing to help me.
You are still obsessed with trains. We went to Chattanooga last month to take you on a birthday train trip and the memories we made won't ever be forgotten. I wonder nearly every day if trains are going to be a lifetime passion of yours or if one day you're going to wake up and move on to something else.
You are super smart too. We have spent the last 6 months or so teaching you letters and how to write them. You have even memorized 26 Bible verses and 3 prayers (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, Our Father and Hail Mary).
You like chicken nuggets, pizza and pancakes. And last weekend you happily ate a cheeseburger for the first time, I'm hoping that leads to you liking more foods that you formerly hated. Your favorite color changes every time I ask you but you seem to choose green most often when you are just picking colors for things. Your favorite word recently is "Awesome" and this year you have started singing full songs. It seems like you hear a song once or twice and you know all the words. You're not a big fan of movies because they always have a bad guy of some sort but you LOVE happy endings when you do watch them.
My heart fills with so much love every time I look at you or think of you. Tuesday morning I told you it was 4 days until your birthday and you said "then I'll be 9 and 10 and 11" and I told you that it would be a while before then and you replied "it'll be a lot of days and then I'll be a grown up like you", the thought of that makes me happy and sad at the same time. I know it's going to pass in the blink of an eye. I looked at you and saw a flash of you all grown up and I said "We'll always be buddies, even when you're grown up, right?", you said yep with a big grin on your face.
I love you sweet boy!
-Mommy
Friday, June 27, 2014
Happy 6th Birthday!
Oh my sweet boy! How is it even possible that six years have passed since I first looked at your precious face? This year is especially painful because all of the dates fall on the same days of the week. Plus we lost Callie just over a month ago which brought the pain of losing you back in an unexpected way.
I wanted to get out your scrapbook just the other day to take a picture of your tiny footprints and the safe was stuck. I had a terrifying moment thinking I may never see or hold your things again. Thankfully with the help of Google and a rubber mallet I was able to get into the safe. We bought a new one, one less likely to get stuck closed. We have taken every measure possible to ensure that we will always have your things, and to think that the safe we thought was protecting them might keep them from us was scary. I know they are just "things" but they are the only physical connection I have left with you.
You are always, always in our hearts and I look forward to the day I will hold you again in my arms. Until then, we will continue to remember you, and celebrate your birthday with cake and ice cream and a visit to your spot with new flowers.
I love you with all of my heart. I wish every day that things had turned out differently, that our time together didn't end so quickly. But I also know that I wouldn't be who I am if your story was different. And I know that God's plan, for you and for me, is perfect, just like you.
Please be close by my side during the next few weeks. I'm going to need all the support I can get to get through them without breaking down.
Love you,
Mom
I wanted to get out your scrapbook just the other day to take a picture of your tiny footprints and the safe was stuck. I had a terrifying moment thinking I may never see or hold your things again. Thankfully with the help of Google and a rubber mallet I was able to get into the safe. We bought a new one, one less likely to get stuck closed. We have taken every measure possible to ensure that we will always have your things, and to think that the safe we thought was protecting them might keep them from us was scary. I know they are just "things" but they are the only physical connection I have left with you.
You are always, always in our hearts and I look forward to the day I will hold you again in my arms. Until then, we will continue to remember you, and celebrate your birthday with cake and ice cream and a visit to your spot with new flowers.
I love you with all of my heart. I wish every day that things had turned out differently, that our time together didn't end so quickly. But I also know that I wouldn't be who I am if your story was different. And I know that God's plan, for you and for me, is perfect, just like you.
Please be close by my side during the next few weeks. I'm going to need all the support I can get to get through them without breaking down.
Love you,
Mom
Friday, January 17, 2014
One
Dear sweet Emily,
How is it possible that a whole year has already passed since the first time I held you? You fit so perfectly into our lives that, in ways, it seems like you've always been here. But at the same time, it feels like a blink since I held your tiny little fingers for the first time and marveled at how big your brother suddenly seemed.
You are such a special little girl! Your birth was a pure miracle. You failed your hearing test only to pass it the next day. Then you were diagnosed with hip dysplasia. You had no fever when you got RSV leading to us finding out at a "well-baby" appointment. The ER doctor who saw you for a very high fever thought he saw a lazy eye, so he sent us to an eye doctor (who confirmed that there was no sign of lazy eye). And yet despite all of this, you are perfectly healthy today.
You do things on your own schedule. You took forever to roll over for the first time but then learned to sit yourself up, crawl, pull to standing and even cruise the furniture so quickly. You have the ability to walk but you're terrified to let go. I've told you a million times that I'm right by your side and I won't let anything happen to you.
You are a snuggler and the look you give me when you want to be held and I can't hold you completely breaks my heart! You are jealous of the other babies getting attention at daycare but you play well by yourself most of the time. You are sensitive and a simple "No ma'am" is enough to make you cry and stop what you're doing. You also try using tears to manipulate us.
You are so smart and already say Mama, Dada, Bubba, cat, hi and bye bye but you don't perform for anyone and only talk when YOU want to. You love your blankie and your puppy. You LOVE music and your favorite song is the "Emily Rebecca Song" mama made up the first week you were born. Your brother is your idol and he can always make you smile.
You have 7 teeth now and eat everything that is put in front of you. Your favorites are yogurt and green beans but we haven't found anything you don't like!
You wear mostly 12 month clothes and size 4 diapers. You weigh 21 lbs. 13 oz. and are 29.5 in. tall.
And most of all, you are loved unconditionally by your daddy, your brother and me! I have had so much fun getting to know you this year and I am looking forward to continuing to watch you grow. I am so excited about having tea parties and playing dress up with you. And I am looking forward to seeing how you and Eli play as you grow. I love you my princess!
-Mommy
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