6/16

This date is imprinted on my brain and I don't guess that's ever going to change.

It kind of snuck up on me this year so you would think it wouldn't have the same effect on me.  But still it does.

My heart is heavy, it feels hard to breathe, tears could fall at any moment.  Some would probably label it anxiety, it doesn't really matter to me what you call it.

I thought it would be different this year because of Eli...

Last night I had an awful nightmare.  In fact, I've had several of them since the beginning of June.  The dreams are always different but they have the same theme.

Thinking about the past 3 years, I wonder if I will be feeling the same way in year 10, year 15, year 20.  Somehow, I think I will.  A part of me, hopes I will.  Because not feeling this way would feel like forgetting.

And I don't EVER want to forget.