Shortly after Logan was born Doug had to go back to work. We were looking at a long hospital stay and decided that it would be better for Doug to take time off when it was time to take Logan home than to use his vacation days sitting in the hospital. Since Doug was missing so much, I was tasked with taking at least one picture per day and at least one video per week. Looking back, I'm so thankful we set up those rules because we probably wouldn't have nearly as many pictures if we hadn't.
When I was pregnant with Eli I decided that it would be a good idea to set the same rules for Eli, one picture per day and one video per week. I started out with good intentions and took a lot of pictures and made several videos, but before long days passed with no pictures.
To tell the truth, I've been feeling pretty guilty about it. I mean, we have tons more pictures of Eli than we do of Logan, but that's because we had so little time with him. I feel guilty because I made it such a priority to take pictures of Logan and I just haven't with Eli.
But it occurred to me last night, as I was on the floor playing with Eli... life is for living, not documenting. Sure I'll cherish the pictures we have of him, but when I'm looking back on my life I want to have memories of rolling on the floor with him, big hugs and rocking him to sleep, not memories of watching him play through the lens of my camera. I'm taking pictures in my mind every step of the way. They won't be put in a scrapbook or hung on my walls, but they'll be cherished just the same.
In honor of World Prematurity Day, today I am trying to raise awareness.
I'm wearing this ribbon:
And I want to share some preemies with you. Every single child on this list has a mommy who has lost a child. Some of these are angels themselves while others have angel siblings.
Logan, June 27, 2008-July 14, 2008, born at 24 weeks, 6 days
Chad, Jr. 10/21/2011 19 weeks 4 days gestation
James Matthew 11/16/2010-11/18/2010, 25 weeks 2 days old
Conner born at 36 weeks 11 days in NICU now 6 years old
Alissa born at 35 weeks 9 days in NICU
Patrick Mclean Cupit II born at 24 wees 2 days, passed 6/24/10 due to NEC
Julia Swan Dorothy Cupit born at 29 weeks
Cali Anne Dickson born at 25 weeks gestation on November 1, 2010 and she passed on November 10, 2010
Wyatt Everett Snyder born at 24.2 days gestation on November 14, 2007. Died on January 13, 2008 after a 59 day fight for his life
Mason McCaffrey born on October 11, 2010 at 30 weeks 3 days due to my development of early onset preeclampsia. Passed away on October 13, 2010
We even have the bruise to prove it! Today he took off walking and was doing really good until he saw a stool and decided he could reach it without taking another step... big mistake. He couldn't quite reach the stool with his hand so he ended up reaching it with his face. Now he's got a big ol' shiner :(
Yesterday on my way to pick up Eli I was listening to the radio and heard the DJ talking about a movie called "180". I had to check it out and after watching it, I have to share. It gave me chills. This movie is a documentary-type film and is about abortion (and so much more). It is 33 min. long so I suggest waiting until you have time to watch the whole thing before you start it. Amazing how one question can change it all....
If you haven't watched the movie, don't read below...
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
A few things in this movie really stood out for me.
1. The picture of the 24 week old baby... obviously, this one is tough for me personally because Logan was born around that time. He lived, he breathed, he cried, he sucked a paci... the baby in the bed next to him was born at the same age and he thrived and went home with his parents... how could anyone think that's "not a baby".
2. At one point someone mentions that if the quality of life of the child is going to be bad, then it's okay to have an abortion. How do we know what the quality of life will be like? I've encountered people who thought their baby was perfectly healthy until the day the child was born or even discovered the illness/disability much later than that. I've also encountered people who were told their child would be very, very sick for their whole life, if they even made it to birth and now the child is thriving (case in point, Stellan). And just because we think a certain life is of "bad quality", who's to say it really is? So many illnesses/disabilities are or have been very misunderstood. People who were at one time sent to a hospital or group home because of their "condition" are now living on their own and doing just fine. God can and does continue to perform miracles every single day. Some are small, like the A on the test you didn't study for or the smile you know you saw from a child too young to smile. Some are big, like remission from cancer. Either way, if we step in we're taking away the opportunity for a miracle.
3. One of the girls said she thought it was okay for a mother to choose abortion in some situations. Then Ray Comfort asks her what situation is okay, she hesitates and then says she can't think of one. How many times in life do we just simply say "it's okay, sometimes"? Not even talking about abortion here, about everything in life. We accept excuses without stopping to think about whether they are valid.
To me, this video is about awareness. We all have to hold ourselves responsible for being aware about what's going on. Sometimes so much is going on in our lives we just let things slip by, we think "someone else will take care of that" (I count myself in this group sometimes). We have all these ribbons and months and weeks marked for awareness: a pink ribbon and the month of October for Breast Cancer Awareness, November is Prematurity Awareness Month, this week is EB Awareness Week (if you don't know what EB is, please visit "EB"ing a Mommy). I think we need a ribbon for awareness itself, it would remind us to be aware of what is going on in our community, our state, our country and our world, all the time.
After painting our kitchen, office and both bathrooms last summer I have been itching to get the last of the "builder brown" out of our house. We have known we wanted to paint the living room gray for a while but hadn't decided on an exact shade until this fall. We bought the paint and materials weeks ago and this week we're finally getting it painted!
Here's the living room with it's new gray...
The wall part of the tray ceiling is painted the same shade as the hall, which is lighter than the shade in the living room. Here's the hall...
We have so much more to do in these spaces. We are going to do a photo wall in the hallway and a tree will be painted on the short wall in our living room and pictures will go there too. Below is the inspiration for the tree which I found here
I am planning to make fabric circles with pictures in them instead of leaves.
And eventually I'm going to paint my frames in the hall so that my photo wall looks something like this but with more pictures (and my frames aren't that fancy)
Then there's the master bedroom. We've just started on it this morning, so there are no pictures, but here's my inspiration...
The bottom will be "paneling" like in this picture which I found on Pinterest here
I cannot wait to see it all come together. I am also painting two of the doors in my room a shade of red (more maroon-y than fire engine). That part is a little scary to me but I've seen a bunch of painted doors on Pinterest that I really like so I'm going to try it out to see what I think. Worse case scenario I just repaint them later.
Before we painted our house the first time I was almost afraid to try out bright colors but now I say bring it on! I love making my house "ours", I know that there are lots of people that probably think I'm crazy, but you know what, it's just a little paint :)
