4

Eli,

I absolutely cannot believe you are 4 years old!  My heart nearly stops every time you say that after 4 you'll be 5.  I really wish I could slow down time.  I am hoping this year passes very slowly but I know it's going to fly by like all the others.

You are such a sweet boy!  We've had our fair share of troubles but it warms my heart every time you say "Mommy, I love you" out of nowhere.  You share your love so easily to everyone around you and, even though it might cause you some heartache down the road, I hope you always do.  You are the best big brother to Emily.  You've been known to say "Good morning sweet princess" when she wakes up and you will do anything and everything for her even when we want her to do it herself.  You love nothing more than playing with your daddy, whether it be trains, planes, cars or animals.  And you're almost always willing to help me.

You are still obsessed with trains.  We went to Chattanooga last month to take you on a birthday train trip and the memories we made won't ever be forgotten.  I wonder nearly every day if trains are going to be a lifetime passion of yours or if one day you're going to wake up and move on to something else.

You are super smart too.  We have spent the last 6 months or so teaching you letters and how to write them.  You have even memorized 26 Bible verses and 3 prayers (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, Our Father and Hail Mary).

You like chicken nuggets, pizza and pancakes.  And last weekend you happily ate a cheeseburger for the first time, I'm hoping that leads to you liking more foods that you formerly hated.  Your favorite color changes every time I ask you but you seem to choose green most often when you are just picking colors for things.  Your favorite word recently is "Awesome" and this year you have started singing full songs.  It seems like you hear a song once or twice and you know all the words.  You're not a big fan of movies because they always have a bad guy of some sort but you LOVE happy endings when you do watch them.

My heart fills with so much love every time I look at you or think of you.  Tuesday morning I told you it was 4 days until your birthday and you said "then I'll be 9 and 10 and 11" and I told you that it would be a while before then and you replied "it'll be a lot of days and then I'll be a grown up like you", the thought of that makes me happy and sad at the same time.  I know it's going to pass in the blink of an eye.  I looked at you and saw a flash of you all grown up and I said "We'll always be buddies, even when you're grown up, right?", you said yep with a big grin on your face.

I love you sweet boy!

-Mommy

Happy 6th Birthday!

Oh my sweet boy!  How is it even possible that six years have passed since I first looked at your precious face?  This year is especially painful because all of the dates fall on the same days of the week.  Plus we lost Callie just over a month ago which brought the pain of losing you back in an unexpected way. 

I wanted to get out your scrapbook just the other day to take a picture of your tiny footprints and the safe was stuck.  I had a terrifying moment thinking I may never see or hold your things again.  Thankfully with the help of Google and a rubber mallet I was able to get into the safe.  We bought a new one, one less likely to get stuck closed.  We have taken every measure possible to ensure that we will always have your things, and to think that the safe we thought was protecting them might keep them from us was scary.  I know they are just "things" but they are the only physical connection I have left with you.

You are always, always in our hearts and I look forward to the day I will hold you again in my arms.  Until then, we will continue to remember you, and celebrate your birthday with cake and ice cream and a visit to your spot with new flowers.

I love you with all of my heart.  I wish every day that things had turned out differently, that our time together didn't end so quickly.  But I also know that I wouldn't be who I am if your story was different.  And I know that God's plan, for you and for me, is perfect, just like you. 

Please be close by my side during the next few weeks.  I'm going to need all the support I can get to get through them without breaking down.

Love you,
Mom

One

Dear sweet Emily,

How is it possible that a whole year has already passed since the first time I held you?  You fit so perfectly into our lives that, in ways, it seems like you've always been here.  But at the same time, it feels like a blink since I held your tiny little fingers for the first time and marveled at how big your brother suddenly seemed.

You are such a special little girl!  Your birth was a pure miracle.  You failed your hearing test only to pass it the next day.  Then you were diagnosed with hip dysplasia.  You had no fever when you got RSV leading to us finding out at a "well-baby" appointment.  The ER doctor who saw you for a very high fever thought he saw a lazy eye, so he sent us to an eye doctor (who confirmed that there was no sign of lazy eye).  And yet despite all of this, you are perfectly healthy today.

You do things on your own schedule.  You took forever to roll over for the first time but then learned to sit yourself up, crawl, pull to standing and even cruise the furniture so quickly.  You have the ability to walk but you're terrified to let go.  I've told you a million times that I'm right by your side and I won't let anything happen to you.

You are a snuggler and the look you give me when you want to be held and I can't hold you completely breaks my heart!  You are jealous of the other babies getting attention at daycare but you play well by yourself most of the time.  You are sensitive and a simple "No ma'am" is enough to make you cry and stop what you're doing.  You also try using tears to manipulate us.

You are so smart and already say Mama, Dada, Bubba, cat, hi and bye bye but you don't perform for anyone and only talk when YOU want to.  You love your blankie and your puppy.  You LOVE music and your favorite song is the "Emily Rebecca Song" mama made up the first week you were born.  Your brother is your idol and he can always make you smile.

You have 7 teeth now and eat everything that is put in front of you.  Your favorites are yogurt and green beans but we haven't found anything you don't like!

You wear mostly 12 month clothes and size 4 diapers.  You weigh 21 lbs. 13 oz. and are 29.5 in. tall.

And most of all, you are loved unconditionally by your daddy, your brother and me!  I have had so much fun getting to know you this year and I am looking forward to continuing to watch you grow.  I am so excited about having tea parties and playing dress up with you.  And I am looking forward to seeing how you and Eli play as you grow.  I love you my princess!

-Mommy