Ten... a few weeks late

 Eli,

I can't believe I'm this late posting for your birthday, and not just any birthday, your 10th birthday! 

We went on our first cruise in November of last year and we had an amazing time.  Then we celebrated Christmas with Aunt Erin, Uncle Dennis, Nik and Jak for the first time.  Then the calendar rolled into 2020 and boy what a year it has been! January and February were fairly normal but then came March... on March 16 TES closed for the school year.  I was sent home from work and you, Emily and I were officially on lockdown due to the coronavirus pandemic.  We ended up being in complete lockdown as a family for 11 days due to Emily running a fever.  We didn't go anywhere.  We basically homeschooled until May and then found out that there would be no summer camp either.  So you, Emily and I spent the whole summer together as well.  You didn't go back to school until the end of August and when you went back to school we realized that you were very anxious about getting the coronavirus.  This has been a hard year but I honestly think when you look back you're going to see this past summer as the best one ever.  You and Emily became super independent.  The two of you and all your neighborhood friends ruled Meadows Lane, fixed your own lunch and snacks, stayed up all night, watched too much TV and played too many video games but boy did you have fun!

You are growing up so much.  I said 2 years ago when Logan turned 10 that it was hard to believe I had a 10 year old... and now my middle child, my miracle, rainbow baby is 10 and I can't believe that even more.  I love you so very much and am loving watching you grow into the person you are becoming. But you're also challenging us with your competitiveness and attitude.  You sometimes think you know more than anyone else and we have to remind you that we are the parents.  I have always known these days were coming, I remember being a kid, but man, how did we get here so fast?

I'm sorry I'm so ridiculously late on your birthday post.  Like I said, it's been a crazy year.  We went to Dave & Buster's as a family (with Mammaw and Pappaw) for your birthday and it was lots of fun but I sure hope we can have a real party with all of your friends next year!

I love you sweet boy!

-Mom

12!

How is it possible that 12 years have passed since we met? It feels like a lifetime ago and yet like just yesterday.  I so wish you were here to celebrate with us.  Probably with a little pre-teen dramatics :) So often I try to imagine what life would be like with you here but it's just impossible. 

I miss being able to look over your bed, being able to touch you and hold you.  I wish I could know what your relationships with Eli and Emily would have been like. I wish I knew what you would look like at 12 years old. 

The day you were born was a blur but getting to spend those 17 days with you were some of the best days of my life.  I love you so much and even though I wish you were here, I wouldn't want to ask you to leave Heaven.  One day sweet boy we will celebrate together!

Love,
Mama

Seven

Emily,

Today you are 7 years old!  You have told everyone we've come into contact with for the entire month that it's almost your birthday, well, it's finally here! You woke me up sometime around 5 this morning and said "I'm 7! I feel heavier."  Oh my sweet girl, I wish you would hold onto that innocence.  I know you won't, but I will do my best to make it last as long as possible.

It has been an interesting year.  You finished Kindergarten and started 1st grade.  You've made lots of new friends, you make friends everywhere you go. We went to your first concert to see Jojo Siwa in September and you absolutely loved it.  I will cherish the memories and videos from that night forever.  We also went on our first Disney cruise and went to Disney World twice.

You got a new bike for Christmas and have been trying to learn how to ride without training wheels, but just like when you were learning to walk and every other time you've tried something new, you expect yourself to be perfect the first time out.  It's so frustrating because you are sooo close but you get so upset about not getting it right that you don't even want to try.  I know you'll catch on very soon.

We've discovered that you are a reader this year.  You already have 30 AR points and have started reading on your own.  That's something Eli didn't do until the summer after 1st grade so it shocked me when you started it so soon.

You were a Christmas tree in the 1st grade play and did a great job, you loved having lines and seem to have gotten over your stage fright from Pre-K.  You also started ballet this year and we are all looking forward to your recital in May when you will dance to Little Mermaid. You just started learning your routine this week and when we left you said you were going to practice at home and told us all about the routine we had just watched you practice :)

This year has also been hard, at least the end of it.  Two days after Christmas your friend, Sarah Beth McCullough, died.  I planned to tell you the next morning and we were sitting at breakfast when you said "I'm not gonna see Sarah Beth for a long time."  My heart stopped because I thought you might have overheard Daddy and I talking about it the night before and been through the whole night upset but not saying anything to us. So I asked you why you would say that.  You responded "cause of the flu."  We had been praying for Sarah Beth because we knew that she was at the hospital and had been diagnosed with the flu. I didn't feel like I could wait any longer so I told you that she had died.  It was heartbreaking watching you grieve for her in that moment.  The rest of the day I would find you staring off into space and when I asked if you were okay you would just say that you were thinking about Sarah Beth.  When school started back you came home saying you didn't want to talk about Sarah Beth because it made you scared and sad.  I didn't really know if not talking about it was the right idea but I didn't want to force you to keep talking about it either.  So I brought it up occasionally and reminded you over and over that you could talk to me or your teacher or the counselor at school.  Then came our first night back at ballet since before Christmas, Sarah Beth had been in your ballet class.  On the way to class we talked about Sarah Beth dancing with Jesus and you said you didn't want to talk about her.  Then we went inside and you told two of the girls in your class about Sarah Beth.  I had to pull you aside and tell you not to tell anyone else because I thought the parents should be telling their own kids.  You went into class and the teacher told all of you girls and you each signed a card for Mr. and Mrs. McCullough.  You were pretty quiet when you came out of class and on the way home you asked me if they were going to have a funeral.  When I told you that the funeral had happened when we were at Disney World you told me that we didn't HAVE to go to Disney World.  Then you said you wanted to go visit her spot and take her a note.  By the time we got home you were crying so hard I had to carry you in.  When you finished crying you wrote Sarah Beth the sweetest note and tucked it away in an envelope that you decorated.  On Sunday we drove out to Sarah Beth's spot and tucked your note under a stone there.  You stood looking down at your note and the flowers for around 20-30 minutes in complete silence.  I stood beside you, not knowing what to do except be there with you.  After awhile you took my hand and let me know you were ready to leave, still without talking.  Then you pointed at something in the cemetery.  I don't remember what it was but you wouldn't talk at all, taking me over to see what you were pointing at.  Most of the way back to town you were silent and I was so worried about you and how you were handling it.  But then you started talking and we had a good rest of the day.  I know you'll never forget your sweet friend because you still mention her and have been wanting to watch the video of her funeral but I think you've grieved and that we made the right choices and I hope you always know she's watching over you just like Logan is.

You have your very own sense of style and are so beautiful inside and out!  Never forget that! You say you want to be an art teacher or a doctor when you grow up.  You have a new love for chicken noodle soup and your love of stuffed animals continues.  This year we are going to Launch Trampoline Park in Prattville and you kept changing your mind about who you wanted to invite, so Daddy and I looked at the cost and decided to let you bring Jordyn Lankford and Natalie Hamm from Troy and also invite Lachlan, Holland and Ryland Johnson and Claire Mullins (Lachlan's cousin who you have befriended and his and Holland's birthdays and at the Jojo concert) since they live in Prattville. You're not happy that you have to wait until Sunday for the party but only because you're so excited.

I don't know what this seventh year is going to bring us, we don't have any big plans for the upcoming year but I am looking forward to continuing to watch you grow. I hope this year is the best one yet!

Love,
Mama

9

Elijah,

Wow! How did we get here so fast? Half your childhood is over and I wish I could go back and relive it all. 

You are loving 3rd grade so far and it's been fairly easy which makes me happy too :) You got in TAG (Talented and Gifted) this year and have enjoyed it too, even though it's hard sometimes. You still love to read and the science kit you got for Easter was definitely your favorite gift.  You still say you want to be a vet when you grow up but sometimes you mention soldier and football player as well.

You love soccer and have scored several goals this season.  You say you want to play baseball instead of basketball and you're still doing Boy Scouts but have already said you don't think you want to continue.

For your birthday this year we are taking David Brooks and Ellis Averett to Launch Trampoline Park in Prattville.  You love beyblades and pokemon above everything else currently.

When it comes to food, you like chicken the most.  Especially chicken quesadillas, especially the ones from Cook Out and Chipotle. 

You are the perfect mixture of sweet and mischievous and you have taught me so much! You like to help so much that you get upset when we ask you not to but you still complain about doing your chores.

This time next year I'll be writing your 10th birthday post.  That seems so grown to me and I really can't believe it's only a year away. 

I pray God will continue to bless you with good health, good friends and a good heart. I love you so much sweet boy!

-Mom

Eleven Whole Years

Eleven whole years have passed in a blink. 

I'm not gonna lie, I'm struggling this week.  I miss you so, so very much. I know I was blessed to have the time I had with you and to have your brother and sister in my life now, but I'm not feeling very blessed right now.

So many days I find it easy to remember the good things.  The days you were tucked safely inside of me, the days I held you or just held your tiny hand, the days you sucked your paci, the little noises I got to hear you make. 

But right now all I can seem to think about is the things I missed.  Nursing you, teaching you to walk and talk, learning about your favorite things, seeing you go to school, watching you interact with your brother and sister.  I wish I could see it all.

I find myself wishing once again that we were celebrating your birthday with you.  That we were having your favorite dessert instead of cake with an icing color your brother and sister will likely fight over.  I wish I could spend time in your bed talking about all the fun things we've done while you've been 10 like I do with Eli and Emily.

I know I should take comfort in the time we had and in knowing that you are in a place free of pain and sorrow.  But it's not happening this week.  Hopefully next week I'll go back to that place where I don't feel sad all the time.  Where I feel your presence instead of a huge gaping hole in my heart. Maybe next week I'll have a smile for your birthday but for now it's just tears. And as always, all my love, hopefully that's enough.

Love,
Mommy

Six

Emily,

I’m a day late for your birthday post this year.  It makes me sad to be late but it’s been a crazy year and at least I’m posting now. What a year it’s been! You started Kindergarten and absolutely love Mrs. Davis and all your new friends.

You love drawing, painting and all things arts and crafts and have decided you want to be an art teacher, which completely fits your personality at the moment.

You told me last week that you’re going to marry Jonah Lauer.  You also told me that you told him he couldn’t go under your dress, something you’ve seen people do on AFV 🤣

You have grown so much, even did a perfect cartwheel on your birthday and you also did your first standing back end this month. But at the same time, you’re scared of the flash of light from an eye exam and all kinds of silly little things.  And you still have a dramatic side!

You love unicorns, rainbows and Jojo Siwa, chicken nuggets, French fries and just about any dessert.

I pray this year is even better than the last and that you always know how much I love you!

-Mommy

8!

Wow! I can't believe you are 8 years old now.  I remember the day you were born and so many other moments throughout these 8 years like they were yesterday.  Last night we laid in your bed and snuggled for the last time as a 7 year old and we talked about the things we'd done while you were 7.  It's one of my favorite traditions.

You have really grown into such a great little guy.  You love reading and school but you also like being on school breaks too.  You like Pokemon, Star Wars, dinosaurs and beyblades.  You would watch the Jurassic Park/World movies on repeat 24/7 if we'd let you but the second Harry Potter movie was "too creepy".  You love pizza and chicken nuggets and Cook Out.  You love soccer and basketball and TROY football.  You have made so many new friends in the past year and you were elected to the SGA this year.

This year you will complete 2nd grade, receive your First Reconciliation and First Communion and perform with the big Summer Spotlight group.  You will probably make more friends and continue to shine at school and in soccer and maybe you'll even score a few points in basketball.

We've been planning your birthday surprise for about a year and a half now and I honestly can't believe we've managed to keep it a secret.  First thing this morning you said "Don't YOU have a present for me?"  Even though I knew it was coming, it still broke my heart just a little that I couldn't hand you something.  I told you that your present will be here tomorrow and you said "Okay, just tell me what it is."  I couldn't just tell you buddy.  I hope that tomorrow morning you agree that it was worth waiting for and I hope it's as big a surprise as we are expecting for you.

I love you more than you'll ever know,

Mommy